Tuesday, March 13, 2012

this thing we call life

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
Sometimes, to soften a vernacular phrase, "crap happens." There's little we can do about it--it simply seems that life enjoys throwing curve balls at us with every ounce of force and gumption it possesses. It sometimes seems that, somewhere, there's this maniacal child in charge of fate, and some days it just wakes up with this itch for mischief. It's sitting there, looking at the smooth, uneventful flow of a human life, and all at once... it gets a sparkle in its eye.

Heh, how can I mess up these people? it asks itself. And bam, suddenly a life is filled with everything awful.

Since becoming involved with people online, I've discovered (at the tender age of twelve, most prominently) that not all people have had a life like mine. Not everybody has grown up in a family that loves them, where they are taken good care of and nothing really vexing or emotionally draining comes along. As I've gotten older, there have been more instances where true hardship has come along, but it's never been anything like some of my friends have faced.

In the past year, I've had two internet friends who have contemplated suicide. I have had friends who have struggled with their sexuality, with peer pressure, with cutting, with abusive situations, with things that boggle my mind. One lesson I've taken from this is that people are strong. Even when they're at the end of their rope, when they're not sure how they'll go on another day...they are strong. Human-kind is so much more amazing than any of us realize. We can do things we never thought possible with the simple release of a simple hormone. We can toil on through hardship and suffering and pain just because some deep, latent impulse tells us we should.

And not only that, but we are able to rise above those things. Yes, it is difficult. It's always difficult. But that's what makes us so amazing. That difficulty only makes us stronger. That difficulty oftentimes makes us want to just try harder. That even though we have no idea where to go next, we go.

I think this is because, deep down, every human knows that Life is out there. That Life, at the bottom of it all, is wonderful. And all of us realize that there are things that make it worth living even in the darkest times.

There's something that wants to hear a baby laugh
and feel tears come as we kiss the one we love
and whirl around in the rain
and stand on top of the largest building in the world and realise that living is amazing
and look down at a waterfall and be amazed
and stare into a bonfire
and do something ridiculously absurd
and just, in the truest sense of the word

So yes

Life is a whole bunch of good things and a whole bunch of bad things, all piled up together. And neither of them necessarily outweigh the other. But the bad things aren't at all more important than the good ones. Because, in the end, the good things are the ones we will always remember with a little glow of exultation.

Because we are alive.

- Kyla Denae

1 comment:

Cassandra said...

Oh, Kyla. What a beautiful, true, and completely real post.

I've been counseling a few of my friends lately and they are all going through things much harder than I've ever experienced.

Life is hard, but it's also so very, very tender and beautiful.