Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Monday, July 1, 2013

i am a child of the twenty first century

I hate phone calls.
I hate making them.
I hate taking them.
I hate having to sit with a phone pressed to my ear, saying words into a person's ear, without fully knowing whether that person is, in fact, at all willing to listen to me say those words, or whether they want me to stop, or whether their face is screwed up in disgust because ew this person is so stupid.

Perhaps you will say that you never think that about someone who you're talking to on the phone. Perhaps you're right. However, I still much prefer talking to people face-to-face. I prefer even more managing to never see people face-to-face at all, and instead texting them, or popping them a Facebook message, or otherwise avoiding the unfortunate necessity of actually speaking to them.

I am told this is not a good thing.

However, it is a perfectly logical thing. Let me explain. If I send someone a text, they have a multitude of options. They can ignore that text, deleting it and sending it out into the cosmos. I will simply assume the text got lost in cyberspace, and unless it was really important, probably won't even bother sending another. They could also answer this text at their leisure if they so desire. That text will stay on their phone as long as they want it to. It will still be there in six years when they finally get around to answering my appeal for funds! It will still be there, just as it was the day I sent it, awaiting the kind person's pleasure! I'm not bothering them! They have freedom to answer whenever they choose! Texts have the added bonus of not being interruptible. People's words get in the way of other people's words, and if we just cut out people's ability to butt into other people's words until said person's words are done, then said person won't get nervous!

In a phone call, it's very hard to just ignore it. If you hit 'ignore', the person is going to know you hit ignore, because the call will cut out. This leads to inevitable hurt feelings, because you can't just ignore a call from a potential donor, or from your best friend, or from your Great-aunt Beth without there being serious repercussions. And there's the issue of having to call back. If you miss someone or go to their answering machine--yeah, you can leave a message...but you're still going to have to call back. And then you will have to say words, and these words could be interrupted and that's just awkward for everybody.

How do people words
I don't understand

A Facebook message also has many good perks. It has all the bonuses that come with texting, with the added amazingness that is everyone uses Facebook. Don't have somebody's number? No problem! No need to go be a creeper and use whitepages.com to stalk them down. You just find them on your friends list (or, occasionally, on your friend's friends list) and shoot them a message! And Facebook even notifies them for you! And bugs them if they don't answer you!

Of course, I will forever prefer simply talking face-to-face with someone. Because then, at least, you know whether you're bothering them or not. Sometimes. Then there's the poker-faced people who you know are judging you in their minds.



You can feel it. Like this crashing wave of disapproval. And it hurts. But at least you can see them, and know.

As an intern for CEF, though, I've got to raise support. Which means finding ministry partners. Which means I have to make phone calls. Which means I must put aside my discomfort as a child of the twenty-first century who is way better at writing words than she is at speaking them.

But it hurts.

So, dear people of the world, let us consider turning away from this odd invention that is the telephone, and going entirely to text-based communication. Again. Life was so much more comfortable when you wouldn't know precisely what somebody thought of you for six months.

- Kyla Denae

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

i will live like moses

Or: How to Avoid a Job In Six Easy Steps.

Step 1- state your intention to be an actual writer
Step 2- make some movement toward that goal
Step 3- realize you're not going to make it
Step 4- state your backup plan of becoming an international hitchhiker
Step 5- stubbornly respond to all concerns with "I will live like Moses"
Step 6- hide in your room and write

- Kyla Denae

Monday, August 1, 2011

Things China Taught Me

سلام لكم في هذا اليوم
  1. It is, in fact, possible to pick up one grain of rice with chopsticks.
  2. If you're in China and you have white skin and a hair color besides black, you're practically a celebrity.
  3. This goes double if you're a white-skinned baby.
  4. When you see a western toilet for the first time in a month, a squeal is most definitely appropriate.
  5. Chinese people do not believe in elevators if the building is less than six floors tall. This is probably why most Chinese buildings are not more than six floors tall.
  6. Eating with your face two inches from your bowl isn't rude; it's the most efficient way to get food from your plate to your mouth when you're using chopsticks.
  7. There is a world of difference between American Chinese food and Chinese Chinese food.
  8. 16 hour plane flights can either be places of memory building or places of blessed sleep. Since the memories will mostly be of trying to go to sleep, it's best to find the "blessed" stage as fast as you can.
  9. When you go out on the roads as a pedestrian, expect to have to make a run for it...and still almost get run over.
  10. When you go out on the roads as a driver, expect to not be allowed to follow traffic laws.
  11. Learn to love tofu.
  12. Mattress? What is this strange thing of which you speak?
  13. Umbrellas are not just for when it's raining. The variety of uses you can put a good umbrella to are never-ending.
  14. The Chinese also, apparently, don't believe in dryers.
  15. It is wise to bring plenty of tissue with you. Even then, over the course of a month, you'll probably end up buying some. But no worries. It's very popular in China.
  16. If it looks like chicken, it probably isn't. If it's brown with some crumbly stuff on it...yeah, that's probably chicken.
There are more things I could put here, but I won't bore you. Just some of the stuff I learned on my trip.

爱於耶穌,
~Liberty