Friday, March 9, 2012

priorities and futures

People say that there are many things that shape us--our family, our churches, society at large, what sort of foods we eat, what books we read, etc. Those things shape us, but I believe it is our priorities that show what sort of shape we've been made into, if that makes sense.

For the past three years, I've been meaning to find lucrative employment of some sort. Being a teenager without a stable source of transportation, I necessarily fell back on the classic job of teenagers everywhere: fast food or bagger at a local grocery store. Of course, I find neither of these options particularly thrilling. Actually, they don't attract me at all. The only real job that actually appeals to me on any level is opening a coffee shop or working at a second-hand bookstore that doesn't see much business, that way I can spend most of my time curled up in a corner reading books I've never seen before. That is my dream job.

Actually, I lied. My actual dream job is somehow earning money by traveling. I wish I could get paid for just going places. I wish a paycheck would materialize in my bank account just because I traveled to the Great Wall or went to see the Tower of London or a Mayan pyramid. I wish spending time with the kids at my Good News Clubs would bring in a paycheck.

Basically, I just wish I could subsist on love itself. I wish that all of those times when I'm so deliriously happy that time could freeze and I wouldn't mind at all could somehow be transformed into everything I need to survive. I wish that God would work a miracle for me and birds would bring me food every morning, wherever I am.

My priorities have never been with making money. Yes, I understand money is important. I know it's necessary. I'm learning that more and more as I get older, as I'm suddenly about to graduate and turn eighteen and leave my family and look for life's purpose. I'm realizing that, someday, I'll get married and there will be kids and a house payment and a car to put gas into and utilities to pay and clothes to buy and animals to feed and doctor bills to be paid and responsibilities and little minds to shape. I'm realizing that life can't ever be like I want it to be.

But I still can't force my mind to really wrap itself around that concept. I still want to just set out one day, and just walk across Europe with a camera and a notebook and just write down everything I see and take pictures of people that are going about their lives and will, at some point, wonder what in the world this crazy ginger woman is doing taking pictures of them. I want to go places and meet new friends and learn new languages and get laughed at when I can't pronounce simple words properly. I want to experience every culture on earth and find true love and see a child find a true home and kiss the face of orphans all over the world and adopt one of them--or ten of them.

I want Christ to be my number one priority. I never want a job and the pursuit of money to mean more to me than that. I want to be able to leave everything at the drop of a hat and simply go somewhere because I feel like I should. I want to be able to go dance in a meadow at completely random times just because life feels so good and it would be a shame to waste it.

I never want to be one of those stuffy people who are so set in their ways that they can't live. That they can't breathe. That they can't see beyond what they themselves have seen. I want the world to be my backyard.

Most of all, I simply want to spend every moment being, and being for a purpose. I want to be for the cause of Christ. That is my priority, and I like to think it always has been and always will be. That is who I am, and what I will be.

- Kyla Denae

1 comment:

a writing maiden said...

"I never want to be one of those stuffy people who are so set in their ways that they can't live. That they can't breathe. That they can't see beyond what they themselves have seen. I want the world to be my backyard."

I ♥ this.