dauntless uncovering

I've never had a friend that I could tell literally everything to.

I've never had a friend that I could talk with about every thing that happens.

I've never had a friend that I could simply sit with, in companionable silence.

I've never had a friend that I could tell about every struggle without fear.

I've never had a best friend, I guess.

I wonder sometimes if I'm missing out on something here; if there's some sort of mystical connection that is formed with a true best friend that I can touch and feel. I don't know if it's because I'm that awkward, nerdy girl that drifts on the outside of activities, never quite coming into the center of things because she doesn't do sports and prefers to sit on the sidelines, hunched over a book, or if it's because I'm not the sort to put myself forward.

Maybe it's because I prefer to be the listening friend--the one that listens to everyone's woes and cares and tries, in some paltry way, to offer advice. I'm the sort of person who tries to appear to be strong, who projects an image of pulled-together strength to the world, or tries. I'm the one who always has a smile on, no matter how much I want to cry inside. I'm the one who, while struggling with an addiction for most of my teenage years, still put an arm around a friend's shoulders and told her that God still loved her despite her mistakes--while, at the end of the day, I find myself incapable of believing it myself.

I'm just your average teenage girl, the one who doesn't want others to see her hurts, so hides them away. I'm the girl that smiles and sings like she has no cares even though her mind is burdened with so many things.

So consider this my unburdening. My uncovering. My thrusting of everything upon an unsuspecting world. My revelation. My showing you that I've never been as strong as I made you think.

- Kyla Denae